i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
