if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
