Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
