Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
