walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
