Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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