what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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