meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
