the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
