My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
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And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He shit in the fireplace
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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