He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
