im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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