Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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