i think my tv is drunk
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
