I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Less talking, more tequila
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
