Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
