woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
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so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize