the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
