like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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