I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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