there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
