somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
