Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
