How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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