He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
