Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
it hurts more in the daytime
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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