You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He has the fingertips of a God
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