I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
