So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My ATM looks so different sober.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
