guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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