sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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