Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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