if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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