nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
