Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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