I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
