I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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