The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
