Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
did you just send me my own nude
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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