He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i love accidental penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize