I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
