It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
