I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
