I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
