I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
