Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
