theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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