6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
