Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
