And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
