My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
