Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
