she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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