i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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