we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
