wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
