haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i permit you to call me
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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