Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
