he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
