piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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