apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
