Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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