My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
