Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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