dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
