Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
