This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
