i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
