at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Bring me that man meat
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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