Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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