And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
