Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
