gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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