The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
