Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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