so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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