i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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