so explain again why im purple
no
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
