He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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